I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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