just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
