You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize