My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just gargled with NyQuil
how does that bad decision feel?
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