Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
