The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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