And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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