capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
