just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
