I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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