Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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