I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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