I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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