I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
