I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
