check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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