my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
