Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You made out with two different species that night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
