You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
