I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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