you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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