well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
