Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
