Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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