My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
