just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
