im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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