Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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