Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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