The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
