doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
