ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
