I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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