ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
