Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And then he peed in my hair
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