come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
