New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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