you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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