i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
