I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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