I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
