i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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