CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
