I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
