used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
