i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
