fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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