im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
