God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
