I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
