why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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