my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
