2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
