I'm gonna have a badass scar
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
