This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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