Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
