mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
