Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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