And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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