so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
