I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
