Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
