It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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