Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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