ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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