I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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