If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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