I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
