So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
