Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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