I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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