we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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