Umm I'm too high to move.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
