So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
