tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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